A Normal day in the life of the Akatsuki!
by SanninLord
Summary: Tobi who only speaks l33t , Deidara who is addicted to crack , and Zetsu who is pregnant with tulip babies engage in wild and semi-funny to funny antics. If you can't read l33t e-mail me and I'l send you my 'cheat sheet', because your opinion matters!
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Naruto or any characters trademarked by Naruto, VIZ media, or Misashi Kishimoto. OBVIOUSLY!!

THIS STORY IS FOR OTAKU, SORRY TO THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE ONLY NARU-TARDS!!

F.Y.I.: Some of it is in l33t, if you cannot read it, please e-mail me and I will send you a "cheat sheet".

* * *

Deep in the woods of the Land of Fire, there lay secret, underground hideouts. These hideouts belong to a secret organization known as the Akatsuki. The hideouts all stood in silence, except one...

"Move back Tobi. This could blow. Now...the book says-Tobi put that down!"

"8u7 D3!D4R4-53MP4!..."

"Now Tobi!", commanded Deidara.

"Y35 53MP4!.", said Tobi sadly.

"You know, you're lucky I know l33t, otherwise you would never have gotten into the Akatsuki. I meen, come-on, how many guys do you know that understand l33t?", asked Deidara while he continued to read 'How to make Crack: For complete and total retards'.

"733 H33...J00 54!d CUM!", laughed Tobi (Yes...Tobi laughs in l33t too).

"I said come not cum! God, Tobi!", exclaimed Deidara.

"WH47 D035 7H!5 57UFF D0?", asked Tobi picking up a test-tube with blue liquid in it.

"Put that down!!", yelled Deidara.

"0K4Y.", said Tobi as he dropped the tube.

'BOOM', the room exploded and smoke billowed out the door.

'-knock-knock-knock-', the door opened and in stepped Zetsu. "What is going on in here?! Tobi?! Deidara?! Someone better answer.", commanded black Zetsu.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!", screamed Deidara, rolling around on the ground, sad about the loss of his crack.

"D3!D4R4-53MP4! M4D3 CR4CK.", answered Tobi matter-of-factly.

"Well what ever you're doing, keep that stuff away from me...", and as Zetsu lifted his hand to point at the crack, he revealed that he had flowers on his arm, "...I'm polllinating.", stated white Zetsu.

"What the F--K!", yelled Deidara jumping up.

"4WW, 2375U'5 60!N6 70 83 4 M0M!", said Tobi in a whimsical voice.

"What did he say?", asked white Zetsu.

"He says your'e going to be a mom.", said Deidara sarcastically.

"Well, technically, I'm not male or female. Plants have both sexual reproductive organs. My female part was impregnated by a tulip. So i'm pregnate with tulip children.", said white Zetsu.

'-BLECH-", Deidara vomited all over the floor.

"J00 M4K3 M3 W4N7 70 V0M!7!", screamed Tobi. He started to run in circles but slipped on Deidara's puke. He fell into the puke, which got all over him. There was a muffled noise which caused Zetsu and Deidara to look around.

"What the hell was that?!", asked black Zetsu harshly.

"70B!...7HR3W UP...!N H!5 M45K.", Tobi looked up and vomit was oozing out of the hole in his mask.

"You're disguisting.", said Zetsu with a look of hatred and slight constipation.

THANKS FOR READING!!

I realize it's not much, but I will continue to add installments. (So far I'm up to four)


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Naruto. If you think I own Naruto, you need to see a doctor, because only an idiot would think Misashi Kishimoto would waste his time on you. Which, by the way, means I am not Misashi Kishimoto.

THIS STORY IS FOR OTAKU, SORRY TO THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE ONLY NARU-TARDS!!

Also, another reminder, Tobi still speaks l33t and I can still send you my "cheat sheet".

* * *

"Oh God! Oh God! Okay...don't panic. Just push. Okay...here they come!", said a panicked Deidara.

"7H3Y 100K 1!K3 41!3N5!", screamed Tobi.

"Tell that freak to shut up and get towels!", screamed black Zetsu.

10 minutes later, Zetsu was holding two little Zetsu/tulip hybrids. The female looked like a miniature Zetsu and the male looked like Zetsu with a tulip around his head instead of a Venus-Fly-Trap.

"Aww...they're so...cute.", said Deidara before he crashed to the floor unconcious.

"7H47'5 FUNNY, ! W4N73D !7 70 H4PP3N, 4ND !7 D!D.", laughed Tobi.

"...Shut Up!", said an exasperated black Zetsu.

Deidara woke up 2 hours later to a weird smell, "What are you doing Tobi?", asked Deidara.

Tobi looked up from the lab where he was at, "!'M M4K!N6 50M3 CR4CK F0R Y0U, 53MP4!.", stated Tobi.

"Oh, thank God! I need some crack...I was starting to have withdrawals!", said a wide-eyed Deidara.

"Y0U KN0W, !7'5 H4RD 70 M4K3 CR4CK WH3N Y0U'R3 DRUNK.", stated Tobi.

"Deidara, my babies need food...bring the Miracle Grow!", yelled white Zetsu from the room next door.

"Crap!", muttered Deidara under his breath.

"...oh, and bring the leftovers from yesterday.", said white Zetsu.

"Tobi...you get the corpse...I'll get the Miracle Grow. Okay?", asked Deidara.

"0H...! H473 T0U 50 MUCH. !H0P3 Y0U 0V3RD053 4ND D!3.", Tobi said as he dragged the half-eaten corpse into Zetsu's room.

"Yeah...whatever.", said Deidara ignoring Tobi. He pulled out the crack Tobi had made for him and laid a big pile on the table. He quickly sniffed all of it without putting it into neat rows. Unfortunately for Deidara, Tobi's just too innocent to do something like that.

"Tobi! You replaced my crack with sugar!?", screamed Deidara.

"N0, !7'5 CR4CK...533, WH3N ! CRU5H !7, !7 CR4CK5.", Tobi said simply as he rounded the corner, entering the room.

"Tobi...come here. I have a surprise for you.", said Deidara with gritted teeth.

"R3411Y? WH47 !5 !7? 4WW...!7'5 4 F!5HY.", said Tobi holding the fish.

'-click-click-click-', ticked Tobi's fish.

"D3!D4R4-53MP!4, WHY !5 !7 7!CK-"

'BOOM', the fish blew up in Tobi's hands...

* * *

THANKS FOR READING!!

Awww...I feel bad for Tobi. Oh well. Look froward to chapters 3 & 4.

"533 Y0U 1473R!!"


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own Naruto. If I did, Tobi would rule the world, Orochimaru would run the Akatsuki, and Sasuke would have killed Naruto a long time ago.

THIS STORY IS FOR OTAKU, SORRY TO THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE ONLY NARU-TARDS!!

Also, another reminder, Tobi still speaks l33t and I can still send you my "cheat sheet".

* * *

"Now…Zetsu Jr., what can your tulip petals be ground into?", asked Deidara.

"Crack!", answered Zetsu Jr. hanging upside down.

"That's right. Now, why am I putting you through the grinder?", asked Deidara.

"To make crack!", answered Zetsu Jr. slowly being lowered into the grinder by chains.

"Okay…now hold still while I-.", Deidara was cut off by Tobi, who had hit him with his cast encased arm.

"H4 H4 H4…! 607 J00, D3!D4R4-53MP4!!", exclaimed Tobi.

"Tobi! Don't smack me when I'm doing stuff!", exclaimed Deidara.

"5MACK'5 4 FUNNY W0RD! 5M4CK!", exclaimed Tobi as he hit Deidara again. He started to run out the door but stopped next to the contraption holding Zetsu Jr., "5M4CK!".

Zetsu Jr. started crying, "Daddy!".

Zetsu barged through the door, "What the fk is going on in here?", growled black Zetsu.

"Tobi went up to Zetsu, "H3Y 2375U, 6U355 WH47?", asked Tobi cheerfully.

"What did you say?", asked black Zetsu.

"5M4CK!," Tobi ran out the door into the hallway. Deidara and Zetsu heard a clatter followed by an explosion and then a breaking noise, "708! !5 0K4Y! 708! JU57 F311 D0WN 7H3 574!R5, 8U7 708! 8R0K3 H!5 F411 W!7H H!5 N3CK.".

"Oh my God, how did I get paired with him? I mean, come-on, why him?", asked Deidara.

"H4 H4 H4…J00 54!D CUM 464!N!", howled Tobi from down stairs.

"What the fk…how did hear me? You are so lucky you don't have a partner right now. This is so hard. I haven't had crack in three days, I haven't blown anything up since yesterday, and your children have been gnawing on me when I sleep!", said Deidara wide eyed.

"I'm sorry…did you say something?", asked white Zetsu, turning to look at Deidara.

"4444444444…!7'5 4 5QU!RR31! 53MP4!...4 5QU!RR31! 4WW…!7'5 347!N6 NU75…N0 5QU!RR31! 708!'5 M45K !5 N07 4 NU7! 44444444444444…637 !7 0FF!", screamed Tobi from downstairs.

"I'll go see what's wrong.", said Deidara glumly. He slowly walked down the steps, noting the indents of Tobi's mask all along the walls. He finally got down to the bottom of the steps, only to discover a giant four foot tall squirrel on top of Tobi, "What the fk!", yelled Deidara.

"D3!D4R4-53MP!4…7H3 5QU!RR31 54Y5 H!5 N4M3 !5 MR. F1UFFYK!N5, 7H3 H4R8!N63R 0F D347H 4ND C0113C70R 0F 50U15.", stated Tobi.

"Tobi, please take off the casts.", Deidara said calmly, "Now press the little green buttons in both of them…okay…now, throw the casts into the other room."

The casts went flying into the other room followed by the nut-crazed squirrel. Two seconds later, the hideout shook as the casts exploded in the squirrels mouth.

"Crap! I was saving those for when you tried to touch my crack.", said Deidara looking down on the blown up squirrel.

"!'M 60!N6 0U75!D3, 53MP!4.", stated Tobi as though nothing had happened. He walked outside followed by Deidara. He looked around and noticed a kitty…

* * *

THANKS FOR READING!

Sorry it's taking me soooo long to update, we have been TAKS testing where I live.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry I've been away for so long, I could only get on the net when I was at school

Sorry I've been away for so long, I could only get on the net when I was at school!

This time I'm going to put the story the way it originally is before I fix it…if it's easier to read please tell me and if you think I should make my next story in this format also tell me! THANKS IN ADVANCE!!

Also I actually made this story before I made the other chapters, I planned on making this the last one so it will be… Sorry… but I'll start a new one, and hopefully with your input it will be easier to read and funnier.

T-Tobi D-Deidara

* * *

T-Oh look! A kitty! snap

T-Deidara-sempai! Tobi got you a kitty!

D-What the hell!? Tobi, that cat is dead!

T-No it's not…

Kitty-meow

D-Oh god! (grabs kitty) Poor kitty…

Random animal activist-Animal Cruelty!! Animal Cruelty!!

Police Officer-Sir did you hurt this cat?

D-No, we found it this way.

(In Background)T-Oh look! A squirrel! snap

(They are sent to jail, sent directly to jail, did not pass go, did not collect 200)

D-Why did you do that Tobi!?

T-I don't know…(walks off)

D-Now we're stuck in this stupid cell.

(In Background)T-Oh look! A Guard!

(In Background still)Guard-What th-snap

(walks back into the foreground and is now on the outside of the cell)-Hi Deidara-sempai!

D-OO How did you?...(looks around to find huge hole in the wall) Oh…(walks out) Let's go Tobi.

NEXT DAY

T-Deidara-sempai, let's go to the zoo!

(Still pissed about the day before)D-No Tobi!

T-Please!?

D-I said No!

(Gets all evil)T-Go.To.The.Zoo.

(At the Zoo walking around)

T-Oh look! A lion! snap

D-…

T-Oh look! A bear! snap

D-…

T-Oh look! A zookeeper!

Zookeeper-What? snap

D-…

T-Oh look! A jellyfish! snap

D-(Stops) I don't even want to know…(Starts walking again)

T-Oh look! Wood! snap

Random man-(in girlie voice) girlie scream Oh god! Let it go! another girlie scream

D-Tobi! Quit! Put it down!!

T-Sorry! Tobi is a good boy!

D-(Under his breath) Good boy, my ass…

* * *

And that's it folks…Stay tuned for what I have my sleeve this upcoming school year…that is of course if you give me feed back so I can make my stories reader friendly.

THANKS FOR READING!

PS. No more leet, I promise!


End file.
